I like my job. I really do. And, when my boss asked me to go to Los Angeles to cover a photo shoot, I was relatively okay with it. Truth be told, my mom lives in Santa Monica, and we only see each other a few times a year, so I thought the trip was a good opportunity to "kill two birds with one stone." And, I even agreed to stay with her while I was there - the plus side: I would be saving my company two nights worth of hotel costs, the downside: the experience was sure to set me back at least 6 months in therapy. Since the birth of L, the longest we've been apart is two nights. The first time was last summer. It was for a work-related two day retreat in the Catskills. I cried for three hours the first night and then barely kept it together the second. The nights are so much harder than the days, let me tell you. The second time was this past March. My best friend and I went to Vegas for a "girls" weekend. (Its NOT what you think.) All we did was see movies, go out to dinner and sleep. Well, I did drag her to the casino with me a few times. I even won $100 on the .25 slots! The thing is, she was 7 months pregnant with her second, so that REALLY limited our choices of activities. Not that we cared. We were thrilled to just hang and talk and laugh and be with each other. She's lived in San Francisco since 2001, and we barely see each other. That time, for obvious reasons, it was a litte bit easier to be away from L. I still felt guilty, but, was able to endure it because I was having such a great time with my bff. So, when this LA trip came about, I was feeling confident that I could do it. Especially since it would only be for two nights. But, of course, just when you think you've got it all under control, life throws you a curve. The person (an infamous b-list celebrity) we were shooting made us move the photo shoot to the following day because she was "sick." Besides incurring over 10K in cancellation fees, the biggest loss, as far as I was concerned, was the fact that I was now going to be away from L for THREE days. O wasn't too happy about it either.
At the moment, I'm still here in LA. Just got off the phone with O and L to wish her good night and let them know which flight I'll be taking. I"m trying to not let the mommy guilt overwhelm me. How do other moms do it? I rationalize that she's so young and won't remember this. And, sometimes I think that my working is actually GOOD for her and that I'm a positive role model and teaching her that women can do it all...but, at the end of the day, is that enough? For her or for me? I just don't know.
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I felt a lot of quilt when I first started traveling for work. Granted, my work doesn't sound half as exciting as yours does. But, I can remember the first time, I creid so bad on the plane they moved me to business/first class since there was less people to upset.
I realized quickly it was OK for me to go. My kids were fine. They were with family and people that loved them and it was good for them to have that time.
Well, now they are older and I think every loves the time away. Mom gets to sleep and not look at the dirty dishes and the kids pretty much get to do whatever within reason with dad and the in-laws.
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