I don't want to share my babysitter

I'm not sure if it's just a NYC thing or a universal truth, but finding a good, reliable babysitter is a PAIN in the ass. It takes research, phone calls, emails, and in my case, a little bit of luck. I met one of my amazing nighttime baby sitters (not my daughter's nanny but a woman we use in the evenings) outside of my building one day last summer. I was with L and the woman came up to me and asked if I ever needed a babysitter. Long story, short: she's amazing and lives one floor below us. Awesome. And, now we use her whenever we make the rare venture out in the evenings for an adult-only event/dinner/movie, etc. I'm sure my nanny would love the extra money, but unfortunately on top of her hourly fee, we also have to pay for her cabs to and from the train station. So, that's just not going to happen.

Well, the other day, I was on a group email with some of my mommy friends (women I met through a mommy stroll-in group when I was on maternity leave) and one of them asked if anyone knew of a good babysitter for evenings during the week and/or weekends. Part of me wanted to reply to her and share my amazing luck...and part of me, well, didn't. What if she started using her regularly and then when I wanted to use her, she wasn't available?? I have a deal with another mommy friend (who I turned on to this sitter as well) that we check with each other whenever we book her. So far, it's worked out really well. But to add someone else to the mix, well, you know what they say...two is company and three is...well...I just don't want to risk it.

Am I being selfish? Should I just share my good fortune and hope that my babysitting karma benefits from this act of selflessness.

It's been a week, and I still haven't responded to her email. As far as I know, no one else did either. So, maybe I'm not the only one who wants to keep their sitter all to themselves...

Number Two - Month One

It's official. We're going for another one. We've been talking about it for months. O and I kept switching sides -- pro kid #2 vs. anti kid #2 -- until we finally both landed somewhere in the middle and took that as a sign. Our current mantra is "You Only Live Once" - cliched, but somehow it gives us the inspiration to take this huge leap. There are moments when I think I'm ready and other moments, like this morning at 5:55am when L woke up and didn't go back to sleep, that I think I'm not.

We started trying a few weeks ago. When I say trying, I mean, we stopped using birth control. I used an online ovulation calendar to determine when my most fertile days were -- probably not the most precise method -- and used that as our sex scheduler. How romantic. By the way, they now have these ovulation calendars/calculators that tell you which of your fertile days are your best chances for having a boy or a girl. I really tried to ignore what it said, but it was like a big, warm, freshly-baked chocolate chip cookie - I just couldn't resist.

Speaking of things I couldn't resist....

We started this process the week we were away on vacation. In wine country. There was no way I was going to be in wine country and not partake. So, I did. Every night. I didn't drink a lot or anything. Just a glass or maybe two. I've been rationalizing my alcohol intake with the fact that the Europeans drink throughout their pregnancy, don't they? And, since I've been home from vacation (it's been over a week) I haven't drank a drop. Oh, except that 1/2 a glass if Rose at my Board meeting. But, that was all. Honest.

So, now I'm waiting for my period to arrive because I am fairly certain that I am not pregnant. I even took a home pregnancy test, just to be sure. It was one of those early hormone detector ones. Even though I knew deep down that I wasn't, I still got nervous as I waited for the results. It brought me back to the day I found out I was pregnant with L. It was our second month trying, and I got what I thought was my period. It only lasted a day, and when I told my best friend A, she said "You're pregnant. Go get one of those pee on the stick tests and call me in an hour." I was on my way to work but couldn't wait until the end of the day to find out, so I took the test in a bathroom stall at my office.

I really hope it doesn't take us too long to get pregnant, but know that this time around I'm older, busier and more stressed-out. Yet, I know that if I don't try, I might regret it. And, even if that doesn't sound like the best reason to have another child, it's my reason. At least, it is today.