Business Travel is a Bitch

I like my job. I really do. And, when my boss asked me to go to Los Angeles to cover a photo shoot, I was relatively okay with it. Truth be told, my mom lives in Santa Monica, and we only see each other a few times a year, so I thought the trip was a good opportunity to "kill two birds with one stone." And, I even agreed to stay with her while I was there - the plus side: I would be saving my company two nights worth of hotel costs, the downside: the experience was sure to set me back at least 6 months in therapy. Since the birth of L, the longest we've been apart is two nights. The first time was last summer. It was for a work-related two day retreat in the Catskills. I cried for three hours the first night and then barely kept it together the second. The nights are so much harder than the days, let me tell you. The second time was this past March. My best friend and I went to Vegas for a "girls" weekend. (Its NOT what you think.) All we did was see movies, go out to dinner and sleep. Well, I did drag her to the casino with me a few times. I even won $100 on the .25 slots! The thing is, she was 7 months pregnant with her second, so that REALLY limited our choices of activities. Not that we cared. We were thrilled to just hang and talk and laugh and be with each other. She's lived in San Francisco since 2001, and we barely see each other. That time, for obvious reasons, it was a litte bit easier to be away from L. I still felt guilty, but, was able to endure it because I was having such a great time with my bff. So, when this LA trip came about, I was feeling confident that I could do it. Especially since it would only be for two nights. But, of course, just when you think you've got it all under control, life throws you a curve. The person (an infamous b-list celebrity) we were shooting made us move the photo shoot to the following day because she was "sick." Besides incurring over 10K in cancellation fees, the biggest loss, as far as I was concerned, was the fact that I was now going to be away from L for THREE days. O wasn't too happy about it either.

At the moment, I'm still here in LA. Just got off the phone with O and L to wish her good night and let them know which flight I'll be taking. I"m trying to not let the mommy guilt overwhelm me. How do other moms do it? I rationalize that she's so young and won't remember this. And, sometimes I think that my working is actually GOOD for her and that I'm a positive role model and teaching her that women can do it all...but, at the end of the day, is that enough? For her or for me? I just don't know.

Me? A Blogger?

So, I did something a little bit...well..."crazy". I decided to blog for another, well a real, Web site. It's called NYC Moms Blog and it's basically a group of what appears to be very intelligent, interesting, well-read women who blog about life as a NYC mom. I had seen the blog on my friend's Web site and sent them an email to see if they were looking for more writers. Jill, one of the women who started the site, checked out my blog and said she thought I'd make a good addition to the "group." It's been over a week since I've been accepted and I still haven't posted anything. I'm PETRIFIED. Plus, the posting procedures are a little confusing...At the moment, I'm trying to decide if I really want to be a writer or if I just like the idea of people thinking that my writing doesn't suck. The whole idea of people actually reading what I write is really, really scary. Yet, it's also thrilling.

Stay Tuned.

Mommy = Worrier 4 Ever

Little L is sick. She has a 102.4 degree fever. I knew it! This morning when she woke up crying, I had a feeling something wasn't right. And when I held her, she felt very warm. But, as usual, when I asked my husband if he thought she had a fever, he touched her forehead and said "you know I can't tell these things. Maybe it's just warm in here." So, I ignored my own instinct and went to work without taking her temperature. And, to be fair, she seemed fine. She wasn't her usual bouncing off the walls self, but she wasn't curled up in a ball on the floor either. As I was walking out the door, I mentioned to my nanny that I thought something might be wrong and to take her temperature in a few hours, especially if L continued to feel warm and/or acted strange. The first call came at 10:36a. It was J. 98.8 degrees, she reported. Hmm. Good. No fever. I guess I was wrong. I was obviously glad and went about my day, accepting the news even though I was skeptical.

The second call came at 4:34p. J said they had just come home from the playground and L wasn't acting like herself. She was clingy and whiny so they left after a few minutes and J decided to take her temperature again. 102.4. I immediately emailed O. Part of me was worried, of course, and then part of me felt a little... satisfied. I was right! She was sick! Ha! I told you so...

The thing is, I'm always thinking L is sick. Whenever she coughs or acts a bit off, I assume the worst. To be fair, I come by it honestly. Both my parents are certified hypochondriacs. Big time.
And, I have a slight, okay, raging case of it myself. But, as enter my second year of being a mom, I realize the importance of curbing my own anxieties and trying not worry too much about every little thing. Yet another thing to add to my to do list...

24 hours later little L's fever is down. We had a rough night and an early morning. But, she seems better and I'm thrilled about that. I should be getting ready for work, but instead I'm sitting with her watching Little Einsteins and drinking juice.